the last of '09

if next year carries on like the last two or three months itwill be amazing :) ifnot maybe it willbe even better, and if it gets worse, i will die :(

the brothers party went vair well, kinda surreal, we talk to his friends all night, then, they come back my brother goes bed, me, fik and cheney, left with two nice 18 year olds, 6.45 we slept, oh good times :)

now new years is going to be boring as, the boys are immatre and boring, and t took a while for me to realise this! personality and confidence is actually such a refreshing change from the boring fuckers i know :(

i want ot keep this blog going right now, ut i cba to type anymore!

happy hapy new year!

officially clonified :)

yes yes, my heair has beenofficially clonified!
and ILOVEIT!


danm if i do say so i look pretty fineee :)
thanks tolisa ofc!

and everything is happy and fun
only if life was like this all the time, i didnt even mind revising for 3 hours today,
i NEVER revise!

bleeding eyes

is what i have right now, spent 3 and a half intese hours without facebook or anything getting all my coursework done, so i can spend the rest of my christmas revising science and maths! yay.

i enjoyed friday, it was lavely having all the girls over,
i have missed it, more sleepovers from now on deffinate :)
then ryans last night was jokes,
the film martyrs was fukcing weird!

everything is happy,
cos its christmas :)
i am really wondering what i have got from the padfre cos he said he is especialy excited to see my reaction, WHY!? WHY!?
well only got 5 days until i find out :)

i would bet a million pounds o it taking my hours to get to sleep on thursday, sleepinng restlessly for a few hours and waking up no later then 6, six would be late for me.

EXCITMENT :D

put away your butters one

ahhh lily allen was soo good last night,
thogu i hate french people
they are arrogant and rude
and just annoying! then two dykes managed to get infrom of us and they were tonguing eachother all night, it was horrid.
and a girl fainted right before my eyes, i was shocked, untill sthe space was cleared of her body and i took the space nicely :)
but actual gig was so good :D

finished all myt mocks now, so ccan relax a little, still need to do some major revision over the holidays but i will work it out,
IT SNOWED! actual snow!
thoghu it didnt settle :(

im feeling for the weekend :)

there seems to be a major change for everone atm, but not for me.

havent blogged in timeeee
but relating back to the title, everyine is getting changes
kiri-bosid
flik-ryan
cheney-bath
me-nothing.

i have nothing t oreally look forward to atm
everyone pisses me off all the rime
and i feel crap for being such a moody shit

and mocks are fail, science litterally makes me cry.

nothing seems to releive me from everything for too long anymore before it all comes crashing in again.

this was depressing i feel bad if you read it

The Days Seem So Long,Then You Look Back And Wonder Where All The Time Went.

seriously so much is all happening at once,
kiri now has a boyf (L)
need to get me one of those,

school is manic, i lays feel like i have work to do,
and i usually do,
but i just dont do it,
and have come to the conclusion i will die if i fail anytihng,
i guess i best start accepting death soon then.

panic attacks in the form of emotional outburst's everynight,
bad times.

just not coping.

i find it so hard to admit to things,
i seriously hate talkin aobut my feelings
therefore i type it,
like this.
it makes me feel better omentarily,
thn everything comes back agian.

i do LOVE my girls tohugh,
seriously,
they are amazing,
and vair vair cliche but i dont know what i would do without them

noa dayss i result to dncing aroundmy front room with my 10 year old sister to gaga for an hour quite often.

weeekend

the weekend was good :)
went to amys saturday and ate, and created, and watched, and slept.
then,,,
we woke up at the unearthly hour of 8...
ON A SUNDAY.
ew.
but worth it,
we got the train with her other friends
to earls court,
we were the almost 2 hours early.
that was dissappointing,
but wrth it after queuing,
we got second row on rimmel stage to see PALOMA FAITH (L)
then jammed around
almost got beaten up by big black scary girls :s
then went though to the main stage,
it was SOOOOOOOOOO GOOD! wsant quite far enough to the front to get on camera,
but it was stil a good'n :)
THANK YOU AMY,
the journey home was long tbh!
and after not eating alll day or consumnig 1 single fluid what so ever, when i did, i got a HUGE head ache.
then i got home, i had left overs.
i then got shouted at over nothing,
the "father" then brought mum into things again,
so then i was all, i dont care about your opinions and he was all like,
well your an incolent bitch and i was all like,
nice.

Emotional Breakdowns can leave you feeling okay, weird.

so yeah, just put on a pair of jeans and they were no way near going to do up.
bad times.
so then i got all depressed to top off my wonderful day.
and had a bit of a emotional breakdown with my mum.

basically to sum it up,
i hate the way i am,
she gunna help me change it
and now i feel oddly okay.

but that doesnt stop me wanting food :(

and if they cant have you, they'll never let you walk away

LA ROUX LAST NIGHT WERE SO GOOD (Y)
fun fun times :)
but i should have been in standing, but the stupid man book us the wrong tickets,
i felt bad on my brother,
he felt so bad,
but it was such a good birthday present!!!


nut to switch to todays aniquesm,
it was a bad bad day,,
i was nakerd,
ill,
cramping for the first time in my life,
the worst day of lessons,
sick of people over reactiong,
then not even telling yu whats wrong.
well screw you.

I'll spread my wings
and i'll learn how to fly
i'll di what it takes
till i touch the sky

MAN.

yes im a man,
this is what my mum has called me now,

she was like, you really need to sort yourself out!
otherwise no one will want to take you out,
nice mum, nice.

He has no idea what he is getting him self in for

really i mean it will make me laugh SO hard!


apaza we are the popular girls of our year now, when did this happen?
all so sudden,
but,
SCORE.
today dragged on alot,
and now i am very tierd and hungry,

not that im not always hungry, because appartently according to the mar-j i eat too much and i have got to start watching what im eating.
also everytime i do eat something she just says the word, prom. to me

that bitch.

got kickers, no more wet feet for me!

im gunna lay my life out in a book

from now on,
i am going to put everything good, bad, sad and happy into a book,
all the words in my head on a page,
all the pictures that make me smile on a page,
all the tickets and memories together

so when i grow up i can loook back,
look back and hopefully smile at what didnt seem to be a normal life at the time,
but really was,

surely all this drama isnt normal?
maybe it is?


i think this will be good for me.




Cheney;;
it makes me upset to see you so unhappy about everything,
you are so amazing and i dont think you see it alot of the time,
you still gonig to go on the adventures you are meant to,
bath, lets face it, you are braver than me already, you have the guts to do anything,
you are such a strong person and i admire you for that,
and you are most definatly going to get wherever you want to in life,
you will always be a part of me miss parsons ♥

own entity

coffee and panini with miss abbot was nice :)
and for that hour,
altohugh we were talking about bad stuff,
everything seemed to go away,

i have always known i needed my friends,
but i am realising how much,
when i am with them,
no matter what,
i can always get away from the horrid thoughts that occure in my head.

i hate giving her the attention,
really do, but i cant help but talk about her

there are so many things i wish i could do,
and probably could, if i wasnt so lazy,
i say i wouldnt be able to or i havent got the time,
but thats all i lie, i really do and could,
but i just cant be botherd.

but what makes that harder is i am getting bored of myself,
theres nothing special about me,
nothing i stand out for,
i want to better myself so bad.

i dont really know who i am,
am i just a mix of everyone around me,
yeah, pretty much,
what happend to me being my own entity,
it ran away a while ago and i just didnt relaise i think.

i listen and dont speak,
i help everyone else out eith their life,
and put mine to the side,
but in a weird way im okay with that,
cos i dont like talking about my feelings,
and i like observing other peoples lives,
and when someone needs help, im there,
and i hope they know that.

Did you know, you’re sort of beautiful?

So last night i took my sister to see the one and only Jonas Brothers,
i think i enjoyed it more than her!
sad i know, but i was up dancing and screaming;;
hooting;;
hollering;;
and all that jazz,
Nick Jonas is one sexy mofo, this is for sure!

i then slept, slept through my alarm until my mum woke me up half an hour before i had to leave to get to the cinema,
my brother still wasnt home,
idiot.
i went uxbridge by myself,
get the tickets and was pleased to see that i had actually booked the later showing
this means the brother would make it on time.
so i went on down to starbucks and grabbed me a
VENTI CARAMEL MOCHIATO ♥
yummy,
so i drunk that,
my brother is still a no shower, so i went for a walk around the shops,
he finally got there,
we sat in the cinema,
just on time,
then as the film started,
alot of piss annoying 12 year olds started screaming,
i was annoyed,
this didnt stop for the whole film,
everytime there was a half naked body on screen owned by a person with a penis
they would scream,
this got exremally old,
very quickly,

but the film was actually good,
i wasnt antisipating this at all!
so that made me happy,
so yes NEW MOON,
was good :)


but did you know males shouting this like "take your clothes off" of the window of their cars seems so much worse when your with your brother.

Waking Up To Reality Is Sickening

Went to Bishopshalts Sixth Form open evening tonight
i now feel sick
i actally didnt realise what i was going into
like college,
then uni, and alot of work inbetween :\

i genuinly mean i didnt realise what i was doing untill tonight
i mean it is all very well going into great detaiol about your plans for the future and everything,
but then you realise that you might not get there, and just how much you have to do to get there

im scared.

Can We Have A Picture With You? ;; No.

PEDOFILES.
sometimes, people, need to learn how to act appropriatly in public.
had a lovely day with felicity abbott,
we drunk alot of coffee
and now i have a headache
but it was worth it,
i now love caramel mochiatos (L)
pervy guys in traf need to actully go away,
we attracked somany weirdos today, it was oddd!




anyway my head hurts.

We Go London Just For Coffeeee ;)

"Some people think im lying about being a virgin, because i use super jumbo tampons, but it can't help it i got a heavy flow and a wide set vagina" - i love mean girls <3

this was a good english lesson, finishing watching such a classic :)

school was fairly uneventful

but...

SPAK IS BACK.

this is bad, why cant this thing just leave our lives be,

she is such a jelous bitch,

no one likes her,

even if they do go round its house and tell us that they arent going out,

cocks.

then went on up to my life, LANDAN

with the one and only...

FELICITY ABBOTT <3>

got beccas sexy abercrombie jumper, in "maroon"

and drunk coffee

like those sophisticated folk,

we came to the conclusion that in no time at all we will end up just going to landannn just to get coffee,

we are that ASSUM

love you babyyyy

Happy Birthday To You;;; (^)

i'd like to start by saying

Happy Birthday Grandad ♥

to start the day, i had paper two of the fabulous englist language paper,

oh well it is finished now.

i am worried, as i feel i didnt do that bad in it, therefore i probably have because i didnt even realise i was making mistakes.

oh well.

then i went from english exam, to english lesson.

it was all good though,

remina nair is a genious, and brought in mean girls!!

so we got to atch that and me and Cheney Parsons, quoted all the way through,

cos we are just that ASSUM!

Rehearsals after school,

they were effort, i forgot to breathe and almost passed out.

im not retarded i swear.

i genuinly was just too occupied with what words i was singing,

then i came home and had a birthday meal with the Grandpap's (^)

and now i am beyond tierd,

i might go to bed, it is only like 9.00 though, i suppose i wont be tierd tomorrow :\

♥

From Good To Bad

what the hell are they meant for?
to send their daughter home crying because you have interigated her?
no.
so if she comes back crying because of your unnessicary remarks and statements becuase your life is just that sad you have to be bitter like that,
i will actually go mental,
and i idont care if it is my place or not,
you have gotten to my last nerve and i dont really give a shit about you atm.

you care for no one anymore, i would say you only think about yourself, but thats a lie to,
you dont even care about yourself,
you would think a doctor telling you that you could have had a heart attack any time soon would stop you going to get kebabs and maybe start ou excersising a little at leasty? but no, not you,
because you clearly care for nothing anymore.

Twist And Shout (8)

today could have been worse,
i scared cheney with my shoes antiqes
i released my inner fabric pervert once again when talking about costumes for christmas concert
Quote: yeahhh in a dusty champagne pink! and in chiffon, yeahh the really soft fine netting ♥♥♥

Felicity Abbott is bad for me i have decided, she makes me crave pancakes, so then i get home and make a batch, and it is becoming too much of a habbit!
i am a retard with fabric scissors, no word of a lie, it doesnt help that im a lefty and the scissors were for righty's though :\

but to the point of this blog, i am in a right flumox, yes flumox about what to change my osng to in music as i have eventually decided lanka is crap and im flat and that the songs are to similar, so im tihnking

TWIST AND SHOUT ♥

Oh God

reading Cheney Parsons blogs being a pervert, and i realise jsut how much i am going to miss her,
so soon,
and she is going to be so happy away from everything,everything shit we are surrounded by,
im happy for her sure, but im sure the water on my face now is supposed to tell me not to let her go.

Eight

well today couldt have started out a bit more misserablly, i woke up to a piercing alarm thinking it was a saturday, so i shut it off,
it wasnt a saturday, it was a tuesday, an average school day, so yes, i did sleep in until my mum came and woke me up only 30 minutes before i leave for school.
i miss the bus, so wait for the late one because im just that lazy,
everyone had their cervical cancer jabs today, i didnt.
but i dont want a needle in my arm for the rest of my life, which can happen, i know.
no im not asking for cancer, i will get it done, just not at school


then to start the shit up again, i went into maths to find my new so called perminant teacher in there, i cannot understand him, he is like one of those preacher people, it is scary, one subject im sure to fail.
but you know to really top off myschool day was getting my science chemistry mock back and seeing
TOTAL= 8
whoa, i just laughed. in embarresment.
i didnt think i had done amazingly anyway, but not as bad as that, i mean a fucking U grade. not good. so once again, another subject im sure to fail.


whe i got home i made myself pancakes to make me happy again, to my mum coming in and telling me im not trying hard enough,
i dont think anyone realises just how upset i get when im told that,
she obviously doesnt.
i told her writing this was revising for english on thursday as i am writing to describe, id like to think she beleived me but i know she didnt.

just cant wauit for the weekend, i am going out no matter how much i get screwed at, because im "never in" and its like i "make plans just not to see you". dick.